Hello Blogger.

I cheated on you for a little while, but now I'm back to plain old Blogger. Tumblr just wasn't my scene, so I would expect way more updates on here and I'm starting up Burning Bridges again so be sure to check that out. (:

If I only had the heart...

I'd...
Tell you I'm still in love with you
Punch you in the face
Cry in your arms
Admit that I like you
Thank you for being a bitch

If I only had the heart <|3

Oh baby.

These are my kinda people (:

Point Proven.

Why am I a grammar nazi? Ha, That is why my lovely children.
THAT. IS. WHY. (:

I think you're special.

This amuses me <3

A long awaited return.

What was wrong with me lately? The fact that I can't think of anything to inspire me was a problem. Anyway, hello my followers. I understand the fury you guys are probably feeling towards me for I have abandonded my post to follow my heart once again. I would be a poor soldier, that's a fact.

I read a book this school year in English and have finally realized what the point was. I failed the book test, but I guess it's the thought that counts? A Seperate Peace by John Knowles is an awful book, at first that is. However, as I continue thinking about the novel, I realize it's trying to teach me a life lesson. Jealousy and fear of ones self are laced all throughout the book, like aesenic was laced in those powdered sugar doughnuts from the book Flowers In The Attic by V.C. Andrews. (Which also is a fine book to read.) I have no real thing to type about in my return posting, but I will leave you with a list of books that should be read.

My List:
1. Flowers In The Attic- V.C. Andrews
(This book is very intense, however it is good.)

2. Pride and Prejudice- Jane Austen
(It sounds boring, but as a story of true love of course it's swell.)

3. Next To Nothing- Carrie Arnold.
(I was forced to read this book, and it turned out being amazing.)

4.The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas- John Boyne.
(This is a book based on the holocaust. Don't read it if you can't handle it.)

5. The whole CRANK series.

6. Pretty Little Liars series.

White Flag.

This innocence is brilliant, I hope it never goes away <3

Sue Me.

I want this dress!! <3333
It is so ca-uteee <3

Hollywood Dream.

I know you read this site.

I wish you would realize that I'm not happy. That "gorgeous" smile you see plastered across my face everyday isn't real. Please, ask me what's wrong because I'm scared I'm falling back into my same old pattern.

Food, it's my worst enemy. I eat for you, because I know that it makes you smile when the thing I crave and hate the most is set in front of me.

My old pattern? One guy right after the next, a few hundred calories a day, and worst of all, my mood swings. Please, pull me out of the hole I'm digging yet again before its too late. <|3

I wanna be wrapped up in your love.

Wishful thinking....

Hm, I want a tattoo.
When I'm 18 of course!
These are just a few I like.

It's easier than telling the truth...

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning

I am nothing more than a liar.
I tell you I''m over it, I show that I'm over it.
Learn to get inside my head.
I won't be over it.

I keep our pictures in my binder, I refuse to get rid of them.
I write you notes that you will never get the chance to lay those gorgeous eyes on.

I still keep your photographs, I remember how we used to laugh.

I'm trying to get you to believe that I don't need you, but baby I do.
I'm no Cinderella, but I still want my Prince Charming.

Sorry I'm a liar and I wasn't good enough.
I love you.

Why? You're probably asking.
Because it's easier than telling the truth.

Very peculiar...

Today, I created two little banners for my blog here.

Which one do you prefer?

If I never knew you.

I tell you all my dreams, wishes, hopes, and prayers. As silly as it sounds, I've never been so "in love." When I was younger, and still now, I hated loved. Feared it. Just like I feared any spider I unfortunately encountered. Every time we fight, my heart breaks a little more. I walk on eggshells everyday of my life, but when it comes to you, I know that I have solid concrete under my feet.

It took me awhile to admit it, but I love you.

"I'd rather die tomorrow,then live a hundred days without knowing you." <3

I can't really say enough to you. Thank you so much for being here for me whenever I've needed you. You really mean the world to me, and I want more than what this is <3

I love you.

You could have saved me.

Anorexic. The word resounded in my head like a scratched CD continuing to replay the overused lyrics in a song that had no value. That wasn't me, that couldn't be me. Unfortunately, it was. I sat there, attempting to think of something other than that word, some other excuse to my dangerous weight loss. I couldn't be a statistic, I was too young, too naive to be in the 30% of teens and young adults who fell in the category alongside me. "No, No," I always thought, that would never, in a million years, be me, Food was a necessity, and I loved it. I thought I was beautiful the way I was and didn't need to change, Anorexia was never an option for me. How wrong I was.

I first developed signs of the "eating disorder" when I was a freshman in high school, but my need to be skinny began long before my high school years. Seventh grade, I was a size five jeans, almost a seven. My best friends, at that time, were beautiful and skinny. Guys seemed to flock before them, never before me. So, I thought it over and had my mind set to losing weight. At first, it was just a simple diet, but the less I ate, the more pounds I dropped. Shortly, when not eating didn't help, I switched to bulimia. I got to eat everything my heart desired, but it didn't last long. About thirty minutes after my longing for food had been fulfilled, I would head for the bathroom to rid of the worthless trash I had just consumed. I would first make sure the coast was clear, then close and lock the stall of my choice. My knees always were filthy after I had performed my dirty deed, but the feeling of being skinny overwhelmed me. My bulimic stage only lasted a few weeks for the look and smell of my own vomit disgusted me. So, in a final attempt, I returned to not eating.

My meal of celery and peanut better became peanut butter and celery. What I saw as "limiting: my portions, was actually not eating anything. When I saw worthless trash in the mirror, my friends saw a beautiful girl who was allowing herself to waste away into nothing. I had given up any hope of being beautiful, however I soon began to realize that I wasn't only hurting myself, but the people who loved me and cared about me as well. I can't tell you how my heart dropped when I saw their faces being twisted into expressions far beyond my imagination.

What was and What could have been.

I wanted to scream at the image being portrayed before me, the way my hips curved out, the way one shoulder seemed to be too superior to lay evenly with its match, and how my belly seemed to be protruding out far passed its limits. The monstrosity I saw was my own body being shot back at me by a mirror. I slid my hands to their rightful position on my waist and winched, I wasn't small enough. Even though my size zero jeans and shorts slid off of me, what I continued to see in that mirror was nothing but an overweight, worthless girl. So began the new me, the one who wanted, no HAD, to be tiny.

My diet changed and what was my meal of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, pretzels, and pudding became nothing but a simple bottle of water. My best friend was my dependable companion, a single black hair tie. Every time I craved food, a swift pull and let go of it led to me no longer desiring what I so gravely needed. Soon enough, my body weakened and began giving out pleas for food with the tell-tale signs of unbearable cramps, even though that led me to an ER visit, I still refused to consume anything that made my body more grotesque than what it already was.

After a few months, I had fallen in love and with every snap of a hair tie, he was quick to collect them. My diet returned to what I suppose is "normal" and I gained a few pounds back. Upon return to my doctor, I got news that if I lost 2 more pounds I would be considered,which at this point was dangerous, malnourished. With those words, I was determined to get better. However, my life took a turn for the worst and I lost the boy I was striving to get better for, and just as quick as I had decided to get better, I changed my mind and became worse. I was informed that if I did reach this "malnourishment" that I would have to be hospitalized and be fed with an IV.

Changing isn't easy for me, and I won't get better until I've hit that critical moment. The one where I've passed out from not eating, that's when I'll know I have gone too far.

Can I have a little PEACE ?

As I sat in that house, breathing the same air as the two most gorgeous girls I know, I began to think. Some girls believe that since they are attractive, they are empowered and that they have every right in the world to be better than any other "less beautiful" girl. As I thought the thought over, which I did for extended periods of time, I realized I had the most unusual expression plastered across my face. I had realized I was not one to be classified as "beautiful," "gorgeous," or even at least, "attractive."

As my blue eyes scanned for someones name to pop up on my phone's bright screen that could talk to me out of my final decision, they didn't seem to fall upon anyone who would take any extra notice to help me out. I sent one to my best friend of seven years, a new fellow I had just met, my boyfriend at the moment, and a guy I used to like.

My heart was quick to jump into my throat when my A Rocket to the Moon ringtone blasted from my little Palm Pixi. I read the screen over carefully before pressing my talk button. "Hello?" was the only thing I could mutter, it was replied with a "What in God's name are you talking about? You're GORGEOUS!" Of course, I grinned and the butterflies quickly flew into my stomach. I let some breathing time flow between us before I really got to anything. The time we spent was cut short by a few impatient pleas and after the goodbyes were said, it didn't take long for my phone to give out its tell-tale sign of a text message.

I'll never forget what that boy said to me to make me change my mind, and I am so thankful to him for saving my life. Up until that night, I thought I was ugly, disgusting, and rather unpleasant to be with. He changed my mind and convinced me that any boy would be lucky to have me. I disagree slightly, but I would never tell him my thoughts to his face. It made such an impact on my life. I love him for that.

Now, if you may be wondering why I'm writing this, it's to show you that you're gorgeous. No matter what anyone says. Everyone has something special about them. I promise that you have something to be proud of. Always remember, your beautiful inside and out.


Love Your Body Peace Treaty--
JaiLynn Nelson.

There I am, where are you?

What a question.

Today I was asked why I always talk about love. It seemed to inspire me when I thought of a response. To tell you the truth, I have no idea why I always talk of love. I guess it's because since I am a girl, I tend to think of things what girls would love to hear from any guy.

What I posted today seemed to have upset the poor fellow.

From Facebook, "ily,i love u, and i luv u is not the same thing as I Love You. geez, :/"
Here is the whole conversation:

Douche Bag: we want to know y u always talk about love

4:01pm Me: because, it's a n everyday thought that goes through every girls head

4:02pm Douche Bag: yea tht is y a guy does not stay with the same girl for over 2 months

4:03pm Me: On the contrary, a lot of guys stay with girls. Most of the time, they aren't scared of a commitment.

4:03pm Douche Bag: notice u said most and affaird

4:04pm Me: Most of them yes, not all of them. We still have jackasses and players.

In place of his real name, we will use douche bag. I don't know where he was getting his information, but he was taught wrong. Most of the guys I know would kill for a committed relationship, but they can't find one.

To sum this up, I always talk about love because I am a romantic. I am an optimist. I am an extrovert. Most importantly, I am a girl.

Traveling.

As I lay in my uncle's basement, I've realized getting out of Tennessee was best for me.

I will be out of that retched state for two weeks. One week in St. Louis, Missouri. One week in Waldron, Arkansas. However, no matter how much I'm glad to be on vacation, I will get homesick. I'm going to miss my mom, dad, boyfriend, and especially my friends.

My cousins Amanda and Alex are actually more enjoyable that what I had originally expected. They are really funny, and actually have no problem with making me feel like home. Playing Overlord, Left 4 Dead 2, and Bioshock. I think the insiders we are creating will last for awhile.

My plans for the week happen to be going to the arch, going to see Eclipse, and going out to do a few other oddities.

I'm sorry for the late update, my loves.

I love you,<3
-JaiLynn Anita

Remember Me.

What would you do if I died tomorrow?

Would you cry? Feel remorse? Would guilt of what you said and what you didn't say overcome you?

You never know what may or may not happen in the near future, so don't go everyday thinking everyone and everything in your life is perfect. You never know when something might be yanked from underneath you.

So tell me, what would you do if I died tomorrow?

Above all, I want you to Remember Me. Write to me, leave me roses, and blow kisses at the sun. Because, if I were to die tomorrow, crying isn't what I want. Smile and be happy, find a reason to be, I wouldn't want tears.

All in all, you know what I want you to do--
Remember Me.

Family Fued.

Over the last few days, I've realized that I am nothing without my mom and (step)dad.

My mother has been here for me since day one, there's no one else I would rather have has a mother. She's always there when I need her and always gives me the best advice. No one else could ever compare to her, no matter how hard they tried. Yes, I have a stepmother, but she isn't really my mother. Just some woman my dad married that tries to take the place of my original mother.

Speaking of my stepmother, I'm rarely get along with the woman. I try, believe me, I try. She just doesn't understand that I am older than the other three kids, I don't have to hang out with them and do whatever they please because being almost 16, I don't want to sit around at the zoo or chuck e cheese's. I like malls, movies, pedicures, manicures, shopping, and so on and so forth.

My stepfather, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of my stepmother. Unlike my father, he's been there for everything. Ever since I was eight years old, he's been around for everything. All of my awards ceremonies, my swimming lessons, my eighth grade graduation... everything. My real father doesn't even seem to notice that I get all these awards... ehh.

My real father doesn't seem to notice that he neglects me. Sure he has other kids, but he doesn't understand that I need just as much as they do. I need clothes, I really do. It wouldn't bother him to come up here every once in a while. Not to mention he gets mad when I wanna go see my other family too.

Ugh, it's a never ending game of Family Fued and "JaiLynn's Life" is the topic.

A whole new world...

I have realized today that some people just don't understand what it's like to be in my shoes. They think that just because their parents don't care if they get in trouble, the parents of the other children won't care either. Now, my parents are very strict. If I even have a cop approach me and they have any suspicion that I've done something wrong, I'll get yelled at.

On a brighter note, my day was fairly pleasant. I went to the mall and saved this really cute guy from getting security called on him. Kudos for my southern charm? Other than that, the mall trip was sensational. I love going with my best friends, Christian and John. Everyone thinks I'm dating one of them, but I never would.

Anyway, apparently I am a grammar Nazi. (I used that in the nicer way I was given.) I realized that when people are hating on me, if I correct their grammar, they will get pissed off. No one wants to look like an idiot on the computer, right?

Ah well, sorry for the late post. Goodbyee.

Did Venus blow your mind

Eh, I'm not sure how that song got stuck in my head.

I'm so confused. I don't know if I'd rather be happy or be loved. You know? One guy loves me, like he really does. While the other guy makes me smile and laugh, I'm truly happy when I talk to him. Of course, you're not suppose to leave the one you love for the one you like, but "love" is out of the question. I say I love you, but I really don't. I'm fifteen, loving someone means a commitment. Not that I am scared of one, although I am slightly afraid of one, I can't stand another heart break. If you're someone like me who gets hurt ALL the time, you would get where I am coming from.

Definitions of Love:

Urban Dictionary-
Love - nature's way of tricking people into reproducing.

Dictionary.com-
Love- a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Wikipedia-
Love- any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.

Those three definitions should tell you on how people really view love. Now, there's no age limit on love, despite what people say. "You're too young to be in love." How can anyone tell you how you feel? They can't, so if you're in love, hold it. You never know when it might leave, so make every moment count.

If you're like me and don't really believe in that crap, we should still get our Prince(ss). Right?
Leave me your thoughts,<3

--JaiLynn Anita.

I love you; Je t'aime; Te amo; 我爱你; Ich liebe dich; eu te amo; я тебя люблю

Wall Flower?

Oh I know what you're thinking.
"JaiLynn! Two posts in one day? That is preposterous!"
Well, keep your britches on Molly. It's not even a blog post... More of a glance of what goes through my head almost everyday.

I, if you haven't noticed, am the last of a dying breed. What is this dying breed you may ask? Gamer girls. I can't seem to find anyone like me, therefor last of a breed. I play numerous gaming systems and games..
Eh, XBOX 360 and Gamecube are my favorites.. Lame? Yes.
JaiLynnAnitaa is my GT on XBL, so hit on that.

Today, I pre-ordered Fallout: New Vegas... It comes out 8 days before my 16th birthday, (10/20/10 is the release date,) and I can't be more excited,(: I am such a nerd<33

Bath and Body works makes me smile, like for real. P.S. I love you (Spring Fling) is amazing <33
Guys are stupid, but one seems to keep me smiling, <3333
I get sick, all the timeee :/
Catsssss.

Oh! I'm going to Florida in July, <333

What more could you want?

You, oh ho ho, you.
You change, a lot. Like the weather, is what I'm told. You snap at me every time I try to make things right with you, and obviously you just don't get it. I love you, always have, and you're ruining things for me. It makes me so mad that you actually don't understand what you're putting me through. You know Snake and Spike from Degrassi? Well, I feel like the episode when Snake was trying to win back Spike's heart. You just don't get the fact that I never want anything to go wrong with us. I know your best friend died and your grandfather is dying, but no need to take it out on me... your girlfriend. So, talk to me when you want a fricken' REAL relationship, because this is blasphemous :/