Sue Me.

I want this dress!! <3333
It is so ca-uteee <3

Hollywood Dream.

I know you read this site.

I wish you would realize that I'm not happy. That "gorgeous" smile you see plastered across my face everyday isn't real. Please, ask me what's wrong because I'm scared I'm falling back into my same old pattern.

Food, it's my worst enemy. I eat for you, because I know that it makes you smile when the thing I crave and hate the most is set in front of me.

My old pattern? One guy right after the next, a few hundred calories a day, and worst of all, my mood swings. Please, pull me out of the hole I'm digging yet again before its too late. <|3

I wanna be wrapped up in your love.

Wishful thinking....

Hm, I want a tattoo.
When I'm 18 of course!
These are just a few I like.

It's easier than telling the truth...

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning

I am nothing more than a liar.
I tell you I''m over it, I show that I'm over it.
Learn to get inside my head.
I won't be over it.

I keep our pictures in my binder, I refuse to get rid of them.
I write you notes that you will never get the chance to lay those gorgeous eyes on.

I still keep your photographs, I remember how we used to laugh.

I'm trying to get you to believe that I don't need you, but baby I do.
I'm no Cinderella, but I still want my Prince Charming.

Sorry I'm a liar and I wasn't good enough.
I love you.

Why? You're probably asking.
Because it's easier than telling the truth.

Very peculiar...

Today, I created two little banners for my blog here.

Which one do you prefer?

If I never knew you.

I tell you all my dreams, wishes, hopes, and prayers. As silly as it sounds, I've never been so "in love." When I was younger, and still now, I hated loved. Feared it. Just like I feared any spider I unfortunately encountered. Every time we fight, my heart breaks a little more. I walk on eggshells everyday of my life, but when it comes to you, I know that I have solid concrete under my feet.

It took me awhile to admit it, but I love you.

"I'd rather die tomorrow,then live a hundred days without knowing you." <3

I can't really say enough to you. Thank you so much for being here for me whenever I've needed you. You really mean the world to me, and I want more than what this is <3

I love you.

You could have saved me.

Anorexic. The word resounded in my head like a scratched CD continuing to replay the overused lyrics in a song that had no value. That wasn't me, that couldn't be me. Unfortunately, it was. I sat there, attempting to think of something other than that word, some other excuse to my dangerous weight loss. I couldn't be a statistic, I was too young, too naive to be in the 30% of teens and young adults who fell in the category alongside me. "No, No," I always thought, that would never, in a million years, be me, Food was a necessity, and I loved it. I thought I was beautiful the way I was and didn't need to change, Anorexia was never an option for me. How wrong I was.

I first developed signs of the "eating disorder" when I was a freshman in high school, but my need to be skinny began long before my high school years. Seventh grade, I was a size five jeans, almost a seven. My best friends, at that time, were beautiful and skinny. Guys seemed to flock before them, never before me. So, I thought it over and had my mind set to losing weight. At first, it was just a simple diet, but the less I ate, the more pounds I dropped. Shortly, when not eating didn't help, I switched to bulimia. I got to eat everything my heart desired, but it didn't last long. About thirty minutes after my longing for food had been fulfilled, I would head for the bathroom to rid of the worthless trash I had just consumed. I would first make sure the coast was clear, then close and lock the stall of my choice. My knees always were filthy after I had performed my dirty deed, but the feeling of being skinny overwhelmed me. My bulimic stage only lasted a few weeks for the look and smell of my own vomit disgusted me. So, in a final attempt, I returned to not eating.

My meal of celery and peanut better became peanut butter and celery. What I saw as "limiting: my portions, was actually not eating anything. When I saw worthless trash in the mirror, my friends saw a beautiful girl who was allowing herself to waste away into nothing. I had given up any hope of being beautiful, however I soon began to realize that I wasn't only hurting myself, but the people who loved me and cared about me as well. I can't tell you how my heart dropped when I saw their faces being twisted into expressions far beyond my imagination.