You could have saved me.

Anorexic. The word resounded in my head like a scratched CD continuing to replay the overused lyrics in a song that had no value. That wasn't me, that couldn't be me. Unfortunately, it was. I sat there, attempting to think of something other than that word, some other excuse to my dangerous weight loss. I couldn't be a statistic, I was too young, too naive to be in the 30% of teens and young adults who fell in the category alongside me. "No, No," I always thought, that would never, in a million years, be me, Food was a necessity, and I loved it. I thought I was beautiful the way I was and didn't need to change, Anorexia was never an option for me. How wrong I was.

I first developed signs of the "eating disorder" when I was a freshman in high school, but my need to be skinny began long before my high school years. Seventh grade, I was a size five jeans, almost a seven. My best friends, at that time, were beautiful and skinny. Guys seemed to flock before them, never before me. So, I thought it over and had my mind set to losing weight. At first, it was just a simple diet, but the less I ate, the more pounds I dropped. Shortly, when not eating didn't help, I switched to bulimia. I got to eat everything my heart desired, but it didn't last long. About thirty minutes after my longing for food had been fulfilled, I would head for the bathroom to rid of the worthless trash I had just consumed. I would first make sure the coast was clear, then close and lock the stall of my choice. My knees always were filthy after I had performed my dirty deed, but the feeling of being skinny overwhelmed me. My bulimic stage only lasted a few weeks for the look and smell of my own vomit disgusted me. So, in a final attempt, I returned to not eating.

My meal of celery and peanut better became peanut butter and celery. What I saw as "limiting: my portions, was actually not eating anything. When I saw worthless trash in the mirror, my friends saw a beautiful girl who was allowing herself to waste away into nothing. I had given up any hope of being beautiful, however I soon began to realize that I wasn't only hurting myself, but the people who loved me and cared about me as well. I can't tell you how my heart dropped when I saw their faces being twisted into expressions far beyond my imagination.